Prayers vs Affirmations
Reflections on creating a prayer practice and what it means to be spiritual, not religious
When my mother in law asked my son if he prays and he said, “no,” I felt so ashamed. But we do pray every night, we just don’t call it that we call them affirmations. And we’ve been saying them together literally every night since BEFORE he was in my womb.
I took a mental note of this shame I was experiencing then moved on from it. At times I feel like my whole life is a prayer unfolding, but over the last few months, prayers, not just affirmations, have slowly but surely become a part of my daily life.
Like I mentioned earlier, I felt like prayer was already a part of my life through my use of affirmations. I did nightly affirmations with my son with the intention that they would function the way prayer does. I prayed before pulling affirmation cards daily, and I prayed before meeting with clients for 1 on 1 flower essence therapy. I didn’t note the difference then, sometimes I’d say affirmations, and sometimes I’d pray. In a way they were one in the same for me. In reflecting back now, there was definitely a subtle difference between the affirmations and prayer.
When my dad was in the hospital for the umpteenth time in a year and things started to look really, really bad, I turned to prayer and I called it prayer. I’d also say a prayer before sending him reiki and before doing reiki on myself. Prayer helped me feel more centered. I wasn’t just saying affirmations, I was speaking directly to God. Doing affirmations felt like I was speaking to “the universe.” Is there a difference- I think so, but maybe not? God exists in everything in the universe, but prayer felt more like speaking directly to the source versus all of God’s representatives. I think affirmations are speaking in the language of God and prayer is speaking directly to God. Slight difference, maybe? What do you think? Is reiki a form of prayer?
After my dad passed away, my mom held a 9 day prayer devotion (novena) in our living room, hosting friends and family to pray for my dad’s soul to smoothly transition into the spiritual realm- or what she would call heaven. We prayed the rosary, followed by many other prayers specific to asking for a soul’s redemption. The prayers lasted about 45 min-1hr everyday. The practice brought so much peace to my heart- to pray in community, to feel disciplined in prayer, to be repetitive in prayer. I took another mental note of how this made me feel.
At this time I also became confused by my own spirituality. What do I even believe? Am I “doing spirituality” right? I even got into a debate with my mom about how I do believe in God even though I don’t go to church. I reminded her how I live my day to day following a moral compass that I believe aligned with what I was taught during my years in Catholic school way back when. It’d be years later when I learned how karma, the law of attraction, thinking positively, and sympathetic resonance works that I understood why these morals were righteous to follow. I lived this way because it felt good, not just because it’d be a ticket into heaven. It stuck more deeply for me this way.
But my father dying had me questioning if my spirituality was strong enough, as I saw my mom’s religious beliefs held her together, as well as my father’s brother who is Jehovah’s Witness. They seemed to have a very clear understanding of what to do and what not to do after someone dies. A friend of mine who practices Espiritismo Criollo also shared her religious beliefs about what to do and what not to do once someone dies. Hearing all these different religious perspectives regarding death and prayer had me feeling like I needed to declare what my beliefs were and point to where I got these ideas from. Nobody was asking me to do this but this is what it felt like. Another mental note taken.
Luckily, I had been in conversation with someone who was also going through all these thought processes around death and prayer and religion, and was able to come to the conclusion together that the most powerful part of religion and prayer is the authenticity you bring to what you are doing. ← A WORD!!!! Even people who practice the same religion adjust it to fit into their lifestyle in their own ways, and this was no different than what I was doing regarding my own spirituality.
I realized I wasn’t confused about my spirituality, rather I was confused about how to explain it to people who were religious. I truly believed in the power of what I practice, and I did feel held by my spiritual beliefs around a soul’s transition into the spiritual realm. There is not a church or religion I prescribe to because I believe love is my religion and that we are all saying the same things in different languages. I don’t believe the way I live my life would be questioned by God.
Nonetheless, these moments had me realize that it was important that I took my spirituality more seriously. I wanted to be able to have a practice I can easily point to and say, “yes I do this.” I wanted to have a daily practice of prayer, of devotion and talking to God directly.
During this time I was also partaking in a 100 days of writing challenge, which I saw as a form of devotion and a way of talking to God. It felt spiritual for me, but I knew I could dedicate more to my spiritual practice.
My partner converted to Islam in 2024, and this year I saw him practice Ramadan for the 2nd time. It is truly inspiring to watch somebody sacrifice daily in the name of religious devotion. I did one day of Ramadan with him which meant no eating or drinking from dawn to sunset. Not sunrise- DAWN, aka even earlier. The last two Ramadans overlapped with Lent and Passover, which had me thinking once again about how most religions are saying the same thing in different languages and how they have more similarities than differences. During Ramadan/Lent/Passover I was thinking about how so many people around the world were devoting themselves to prayer and fasting and sacrifice, and honestly I felt like I was missing out.
The following week after doing one day of Ramadan with Lenny, I committed. I decided that if he could pray 5x a day, if my mom could go to church daily- something she has been doing since she retired 5 years ago, and if my uncle could dedicate his time to spreading the message of his religion daily, I could stop to pray 3x a day. And so it has been a month that I have stopped to pray 3x daily.
My current prayer practice consists of praying a Hail Mary, because as I mentioned I believe we are all saying the same thing in different languages, and the Hail Mary brings me back to the peace I felt during my father’s novena. I also feel very connected to the concept of the divine feminine, and I feel like a Hail Mary captures that in a prayer format. After the Hail Mary I name everything I can possibly think of that makes me feel gratitude in the moment. I do this when I wake up, at 2:30pm, and before I go to bed. If I had really cool dreams I include gratitude for that in my morning prayer, if I was able to cook a delicious breakfast for my family I include gratitude for that in my afternoon prayer, if I had a really great class I include gratitude for having connected with my soul family in my prayer. Sometimes I pray for gratitude for patience in the midst of needing it, or gratitude for the creativity needed to get me to my next step, the list goes on and on as the day unfolds.
I can say I feel much more grounded daily, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude throughout my whole day, and most of all, I feel confident in saying that I am spiritual, not religious.
thank you for reflecting on this. my relationship with prayer has evolved alot, especially since the summer. it’s more of a fluid practice than what i was raised to think it was and that has been really helpful.